smile.

one is all i need. 


God is faithful.

beautiful.

you are.
you say i am.

singing along to Joshua Radin.
dancing to Ingrid Michaelson.

Christ is our center.
He is transformation.

couldn't have asked for better tonight.

accountability,

you are trying so hard to keep this relationship focused on Christ.

i know that i don't make it easy, especially considering how little i'm trying in comparison.

but i want so much for this to be lasting, long-term, pure.

so here goes.

wisdom.

((From my dad))

Carolyn,  
God has given it all.  He just expects all of us to be good stewards of the talents he has granted.  I think you do this marvelously well.  All will be just fine.

love you
dad

((got me crying and praising Jesus in Starbucks...as if the people around me didn't already find me odd)) 

((and now from mom))

I love you Carolyn!   God indeed does have it all - whether or not you get the position He loves you more than we do and that is hard to fathom knowing how much I love you!!

   Mom

 

((crying again, this time in Benson.  God is so freaking amazing.))

it was a long time coming...

...but I am finally falling in love with tea.

currently:  Tazo Awake with a little bit of skim milk.

((might need some Yogi Calming later))

broken.

we both are.  but it makes me care for you all the more.

that conversation last night was nothing short of amazing, and I am so thankful that Christ is our center.

this feels so good it scares me.  you say you don't deserve me, but I honestly feel like I don't deserve anything at all.  

it makes me all the more thankful that God has been revealing Himself in so many of my blessings lately...although, I guess its more that I've been willing to see Him and praise Him in my blessings.  

it's more proof and reassurance that I have been transformed.

((2 Corinthians 3: 7- 4: 12))

undeniable.

God's hand is in all of this.

full confidence, strength, and faith have I in the power and guidance and plan that God has laid for me.

and still I will praise you, O Lord.

comfort.

there's something so peaceful about home.

as Katy put it the other day, college really is a place of limbo, an "in-between" of some sort, because home will always be home until you make another one, and college isn't another one.

and honestly, at the end of the day, there are few things i love more than sitting on the couch, watching tv with my dad while my mom rides her stationary bike, my brother watches obnoxious Youtube videos, and my kitty sleeps in the middle of the floor.  Only thing missing is big sister.

so many game changers have been thrown my way within the past few days, but right now, it doesn't matter.

i'm home, i'm peaceful, and God's grace is more than enough.

tomorrow brings Bur-Mil, Starbucks, Target, and Friday night family time.  And if I could convey how much comfort those plans give me, I would.  It amazes me that things so simple are so important, but important in a way that makes me forget how special they are until I'm able to set everything else aside even if just for a day.  I think that is God's little way of giving me an unexpected, but yet familiar, respite.

beautiful, beautiful wonder and mystery is God my Creator...Je Vous remercie encore, encore, et encore, jusqu'a la fin de ma vie, et meme apres.

transformation.

we've all got demons.

some are deeper, darker, stronger than others.

but in the end, the ground is level at the foot of the cross.

so from here on, its about revealing to me that Christ has really changed you, really grown in you, and really transformed your heart and soul.

and i'll do the same.

messy messy.

sometimes I just have to laugh at life and the mistakes we make.

but at least this time, it spurned the conversation that I've been wanting to have for the past week.

Tonight.

and regardless of the outcome, God's grace will be enough.  My prayer is only this:  honesty, humility, and love.

i got the blues.

late night Kraft Mac n Cheese with my boys. 

yeah, I'll regret it in the morning.  but definitely not right now.

this here is a small piece of happiness.

let it be.

God's continual reassurance.

His continual promise.

The conversation will come when God wills it.

Haven't I learned a million times that His way is best?

He is oh-so-good.  And I know His grace will always, forever, eternally be enough.

(current obession:  Cannonball by Damien Rice.  Also, the Kris Allen version of Falling Slowly.  actually, make that the Falling Slowly station on Pandora.)

revealed.

one hour of sleep.
completely my decision, although there was some persuasion involved.
in the end, i'm glad. 
glad for the talks, for the laughter, for the boundaries, for the time.

maybe i'm (once again) investing too much too soon, but this just feels like its supposed to really go somewhere.
and if i, broken and jaded as i am, can say that...i'm praying to and trusting in God that this feeling is real.

in the end, even if the "somewhere" is short lived, i'm realizing how broken and hurt i still am, and how many parts of me i haven't let God heal yet. 

and that, dear heart, is a process that always needs to be revealed.

things.

sore throat.
cough.
work coming out my ears (how did I end up with two presentations, three papers, and two tests within 5 days?).
hot honey apple cinnamon tea.
laughter.
thankfulness.
us four together.
pumpkin spice lattes.
forgiveness.
the giggles.
The Bible.
love.
potential.
future.
courage.


trust.

struggle.

everything's good.

except my trust.  if i had known how hard it would be for me, i would have started working on it a long time ago.  i want to so badly, and i'm trying.  i really really am.  i just pray its enough.

because i care big, just like you.

good day.

Today, I woke up with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.

And then, I went to the Children's Center to volunteer and was blessed beyond measure:  I got to see my sweet boy walk.  I remember the days when crawling was a challenge for him!  Because it's been such a long time since I've spent time with him, I did not witness all his gradual progress.  Today, though, I saw the end result.

I left crying tears of joy, both tears for my sweet students and tears praising God for the miracles He so graciously lets me see.

Today, He affirmed me in my calling. 

Father, let my heart be after you.

hold my heart.

Does anybody know how to hold my heart
How to hold my heart?
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon

I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you.

its been on my mind today.

late nights.

here's to the start of something new...and praise be to God for the changes within me, that I would pray even in that first moment.

this time, it feels different.  i'm still not exactly sure where it's going, but at least i know that i'm letting God lead the way. 

silly silly.

the things we girls will do for our men.