"And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you." 




I just can't stay mad at Him for long.  He's too much of a best friend, life source, constant companion.  I found myself praying yesterday and then realizing, "Wait, I'm mad at You."  Clearly that just won't fly.

precious.

"In a sense every wedding is a royal wedding with bride and groom as the king and queen of creation, making a new life together, so life can flow through them into the future." --Bishop of London, The Royal Wedding Address

done.

I thought God knew by now that I can't take any more.

coldplay.

I like to think these songs are from the perspective of Christ.  I'm in need of that tonight.

And I could write a song

A hundred miles long

Well, that's where I belong

And you belong with me

The streets you're walking on

A thousand houses long

Well, that's where I belong

And you belong with me

Oh what good is it to live

With nothing left to give?

Forget but not forgive?

Not loving all you see?

Oh the streets you're walking on

A thousand houses long

Well that's where I belong

And you belong with me

Not swallowed in the sea

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Look at the stars

Look how they shine for you

And everything you do 

Yeah they were all yellow

I came along 

I wrote a song for you 

And all the things you do 

And it was called yellow 

So then I took my turn 

Oh all the things I've done 

And it was all yellow 

Your skin 

Oh yeah your skin and bones 

Turn into something beautiful 

D'you know you know I love you so 

You know I love you so 

I swam across 

I jumped across for you 

Oh all the things you do 

Cause you were all yellow 

I drew a line 

I drew a line for you 

Oh what a thing to do 

And it was all yellow 

Your skin 

Oh yeah your skin and bones 

Turn into something beautiful 

D'you know for you I bleed myself dry 

For you I bleed myself dry 

Its true;

Look how they shine for you.

evident.

Even though there is so much going on in my life right now that weighs on me, frustrates me, brings me down...

I cannot deny that I am simply happy.

and I owe that all to the Lord.

"Grandma says today is the day she goes off with the butterflies and floats to heaven.  She wants Grandpa to go with her."


just pray for peace.

dependence.

i'm not good at it.  i'm just not.  its really hard for me to have to ask for someone to get me a glass of water, or to ask Hunter to go get my car after class because the handicap spot is too far away and it hurts to crutch around.

i guess i never really realized how much i depend on myself and how hard it is to constantly have to ask for help.

i'm starting to get frustrated.  really frustrated.  all of the questions, "Why???  Why me??? Why now??? (seriously?  last month of senior year?  less than 48 hours after buying the prettiest dress i've ever had for formal?)" are really starting to rear their ugly little heads.

even though i'm still questioning, i think a part of me knows one of the answers in all of this.  it has been a rough couple of weeks.  between illness, several trips to student health, stress about next year, a typical Wake Forest work load, and concern for my family, i've really started to feel like i'm in over my head, or rather that every time i catch a gulp of air a wave comes and knocks me down again.  but that is to say, i've been seeking comfort from those around me, particularly from Hunter and Meret.  Don't get me wrong, I am unbelievably thankful for their presences in my life and even more thankful for how amazingly supportive they have been.  The problem is, however, that there's someone missing.  And they try and point me to Him every time I go to them for comfort, but I just ain't listened yet.

Well God, now that I literally can't move without assistance any more, I think You've got my attention.  I know I've been praying a lot, but we haven't really talked a lot lately...I've been doing a bit too much blabbering and not enough listening.  So...what are You up to?

mountains.

I know God never gives us more than we can handle.

Well, He's definitely giving me just about everything I can handle.

I think He's trying to teach me dependence on Him alone...cause He's the only one who's gonna fix a bum ankle, calm stress issues, build up relationships, and take care of Grandma and Grandpa and Daddy.

community.

praise be to God for the beautiful and loving community all around me.  thanks to His love and his good-wishes for my life, I know I am never alone.

a comforting kind of heartbreak.

At least Grandma knows she's ready.  As much as it breaks my heart to lose her, for Daddy's sake, for Grandpa's, for everyone's...we could not wish for a more peaceful state for her to be in.


"I want to be the next one to get there and I don't want anyone else to go before me."


She knows Jesus is ready for her to come home.