wall.

i just don't know where to go or what to do.

i'm so bad at giving control to God.

i was feeling better, but tonight i'm just kind of miserable.

and i'm mad at myself for being miserable.

frustrated with myself.

i know i need to be patient.  this goes back to my assignment, spending time focusing on what i'm grateful for instead of being frustrated for failing to be patient.  and i've been trying that.  i take moments and just give thanks to God for my life, my friends, my family.  but i just cannot shake this feeling. 

i think what sticks in my head the most, what saddens me the most, and what scares me the most is the possibility that it might never be the same again.  and that by being patient and waiting on God, this friendship will just fall to dust.

but seriously, Carolyn...are you really going to trust yourself more than you trust God?  Do you really think you know better than He does? 

now i'm the one who is too scared to just jump and let God catch me.