continual.

I took my senior portraits today.

My college senior portraits.

I posed in a college cap and gown.

All I can do is sit here and wonder where in the world the time has gone.  Parts of high school literally seem like yesterday.  I would not go back to high school, or even the past three years, for all the money in the world, but the fact that they're gone already just blows my mind.  I am so trusting and confident in God's plan for me, but I still have those moments of utter fear about next year and complete sadness that time in this life goes so quickly. 

Every time I start a new year in college, I feel like I say "Ok, this is the one, I'm finally hitting my stride."  And then something happens to break my stride or, as is often the case, I look back and say, "Oh no, that wasn't my year...look what is happening now; this is definitely my year."  Well, I'm in that same phase right now.  I look back across the past 20 years of my life and realize how much I have grown and how much I have changed.  My years in college have been especially formative, with my junior year topping the list.  This time last year, I was drunkenly stumbling my way through a semester abroad, so broken-hearted and broken down that I literally lost myself in anything I could.  Looking back, I think even if I had been entirely sober and sane my entire time abroad, that experience in and of itself would still have been me losing myself for a while.  I was away from everyone and everything I knew, and I was happy not to carry it with me. 

Although, I did carry it all with me...I just pretended that the massive chains on my heart and the weights that dragged along behind me weren't there.  And it took literally being overwhelmed by them to recognize them for what they were, and to finally let Jesus take them.

I am continually and constantly amazed at how fully and beautiful the Lord has worked in my life in the past 10 months.  Yes, there have been backward steps and anger and tears and doubt, but I have literally been transformed.  This idea of transformation has been reappearing over and over again in the past 3 months in particular, and I honestly and truly believe that it is the Lord's gentle way of reminding me that my transformation is not a single moment, but rather a continuing process of living, serving, loving, and growing in Him.

I praise God for this transformation that has touched every single part of my life: school work, free time, friendships, my relationship, my heart.

So, even though this year is flying by...and even though I feel like I'm really, truly, completely hitting my stride this semester...and even though I know there will be future stumbles...

I am transformed and will continue to be.