fine.

i guess it really shouldn't matter, but it does.  i'm just surprised that its happening at all.

well, now that i know...

frazzled.

too many things to do.

too little sleep.

too much too much too much.

you know what they say...

when it rains, it pours.

or, as my dad just said, it all has to average out somehow...we just are getting the entire average at once.

favorite.

"If time is money, then I'll spend it all for you
I will buy you flowers with the minutes we outgrew
I'll turn hours into gardens, planted just for us to take
I'll be reckless with my days, building castles in your name."


--from "Next to Me" by Sleeping at Last

reminisce

occasionally I take the time to catch up with best friends from years past.  and by catch up, I mean stalk them on facebook for any interesting tidbits that might be on their profile.

today, it was KMS.  in middle school, she was my utmost and absolute best friend.  we were inseparable until about sophomore year of high school, and then we drifted and went through various phases until we graduated.  I often think about how much fun we had, and how much of my personality and who I am today was shaped by her and her friendship.  I learned today that she's going to be corps member with TFA next year.  honestly and truly, it fits her perfectly.  and, also honestly and truly, it gives me a little pang of sadness to know that a desire to work with TFA was something that was on both of our hearts.  Not because she got it and I didn't; I fully know that it was not God's plan for me.  no, the pang of sadness comes because our mutual interest shows that we are still, at least a little bit, the same as we were so many years ago.  and because i wonder what it would be like if we were still such best friends, still involved in one another's life.

i know for everything there is a season, and that people come and go in our lives for a distinct purpose as designed by the Lord.

but i cannot help but reminisce just a little bit, and wish that it wasn't all just memories.

plan.

even in all of this: in the midst of the conversations, my desires, our visions, and our hopes...

may we never, ever forget that everything falls into place according to God's purpose and plan.  and my prayer now is that we discover that plan together, even if ((God forbid)) it one day takes us apart.

deeply.

last night showed me yet again how much i desperately want this to be it.

confirmation.

absolutely, entirely, completely.

Pawleys was where I needed to be.  God made that so clear, and I am so very refreshed and rejuvenated.

more to come.

the questions without answers.

I've been working on a rather silly project for Children's Literature for the past few days.  For our project, we read the book Tuck Everlasting and had to come up with an interview with the author Natalie Babbitt.  Lucky for us, there are lots of those on the interwebs.

One of the questions asked, "What do you want readers to remember about your books?"

Her response:  "The questions without answers."

Even though she meant this in a completely secular context, I think its a beautiful picture of faith and one that has stayed on my heart the past few days.  As a follow of Christ, I am called to trust in His amazing love, power, and plan for my life...essentially, I am trusting in all of those questions without answers.

Yes, I'm terrified.  I'm terrified because I like answers.  But at the end of the day, it really does come down to trust.  I think God is really trying to heal my trust issues because I cannot tell you how many times this idea has been popping up all over the place.

So here's to the opening of my heart so that I learn how to trust again.