dependence.

i'm not good at it.  i'm just not.  its really hard for me to have to ask for someone to get me a glass of water, or to ask Hunter to go get my car after class because the handicap spot is too far away and it hurts to crutch around.

i guess i never really realized how much i depend on myself and how hard it is to constantly have to ask for help.

i'm starting to get frustrated.  really frustrated.  all of the questions, "Why???  Why me??? Why now??? (seriously?  last month of senior year?  less than 48 hours after buying the prettiest dress i've ever had for formal?)" are really starting to rear their ugly little heads.

even though i'm still questioning, i think a part of me knows one of the answers in all of this.  it has been a rough couple of weeks.  between illness, several trips to student health, stress about next year, a typical Wake Forest work load, and concern for my family, i've really started to feel like i'm in over my head, or rather that every time i catch a gulp of air a wave comes and knocks me down again.  but that is to say, i've been seeking comfort from those around me, particularly from Hunter and Meret.  Don't get me wrong, I am unbelievably thankful for their presences in my life and even more thankful for how amazingly supportive they have been.  The problem is, however, that there's someone missing.  And they try and point me to Him every time I go to them for comfort, but I just ain't listened yet.

Well God, now that I literally can't move without assistance any more, I think You've got my attention.  I know I've been praying a lot, but we haven't really talked a lot lately...I've been doing a bit too much blabbering and not enough listening.  So...what are You up to?