priorities.

I am not really sure why this one little incident made me so upset, but it just has.

I have essentially redirected my life around you.  not kidding.  so it'd be nice to feel like I was at least a priority instead of something you just check off your list.

and yes, I am going to look back at this tomorrow, heck maybe in an hour, and realize how silly, trivial, and blown-out-of-proportion this is, but right now it just feels good to say it.

so there.

even now.

its over a year later and i've met the one.  yet i still avoid that stop sign on the way home from bur-mil.

why?

because i hate the memories it brings every time i stop there, and the feelings that inevitably come rushing to the surface:  sadness, a little bit of regret, and a dash of foolishness.

whirlwind.

its been less than 24 hours and i am fully convinced that i could never, ever live in Georgetown.

too much activity.  too many people.  too little space.

i'll just come visit every once in a while.


(side note-yesterday marked the best 8 months of my life)

river.

yes, i'm scared to move to a new place.  i'm scared of missing home and missing my friends.  but as i was laying in bed last night trying to fall asleep, as usual my mind began to wander.  i began to realize that whether i like it or not, life is moving on and it is trying to sweep me to new places.  even if i choose to remain stuck like a rock in a river, the current will move on around me.  just because i refuse to move does not mean things are going to remain the same.

i think for the longest time i've had the notion that if i keep things the same, nothing will change.  for example, coming back home every summer and even being at home now...if everything feels like it always has, then that must mean everything will stay the same, right?

not hardly.  nick is moving to africa.  kara has new roommates.  marykate is going to France.  meret is working in charlotte.  kelc has a full time job.  mary is going to spain.  celia is in argentina.  hunter is working on the vineyard and then spending time with his dad til he settles in DC.

the fact of the matter is, nothing is the same and it is never going to be the way that it was.  so i guess i need to learn that change is not a bad thing.

but it is just so hard when you love the life you've been living and you don't get a say in whether or not it stays the same.

slow down, river.

wow.

to think you were right under my nose for three years and i never noticed you until internship.

God has such wonderful plans.

blah.

whyyy can't i ever sleep these days?

i absolutely hate it.  i toss and turn for hours at night, no matter what time i got up in the morning or what time i went to bed.

heck, i even biked for an hour tonight, you'd think some physical exercise would help.

nope.

bored.

i don't realize how often i'm moving about and seeing people and doing things until i sit at home on a saturday night and feel like i have nothing to do.

i don't like it.

consistency.

in one moment, i am so sure and confident and excited about the opportunity, and the next i'm freaking out.

what does that mean???