lyric.

Nothing compares.
No worries or cares.
Regrets and mistakes?
They're memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind.
I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me, I beg,
"I'll remember" you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

Never really thought this song would take on a different meaning.  Thank the Lord I really am doing fine.

peace

I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Psalm 27:13-14

courage.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

mysterious.

God works in mysterious ways.

Clinging to His promises now more than ever, as once again I have learned that life never really plays out like you expected.

At least a broken heart is a pain I recognize, and it is most definitely already being healed by God's love.

my highest skill set?

overreacting and being anxious.  Thank the Lord I went through the process on my own this time?  But seriously, I never would have panicked if that stupid friend hadn't said what he did.  note to self: never talk to him about relationship matters of annyyyyy kind.

yes, things aren't fixed, but there sure as hell isn't a reason to panic like i thought.  jeepers i'm crazy.

trust.

You hold everything in Your perfect plan...and I believe I can see a part of your plan for my life.  and I'm trusting and clinging to Your goodness and promise and knowledge that if the plan that I am seeing before me now is indeed Your plan, then whatever happens in the next few days or weeks that might break my heart or scare me or leave me feeling empty and alone will be refining me and be preparing me for the beauty and strength that is yet before me.  I do not feel for one single moment that things have worked out in this way for no reason at all.  Crazy job that pays me more than I could imagine.  A wonderful house of girls who are loving me and supporting me.  A boyfriend who is living four miles down the road.  And yes, one of those things is in question right now, and the possibility of that thing actually disappearing from my life is something that terrifies me to no end.  But I cannot fathom how God in his intimate and wonderful plan would formulate all of these things together so perfectly only to have one of them drop away a few weeks in.

So I'm sitting back and letting it be and instead choosing tonight to focus on my praise for the Lord and how much His blessings in my life are so very apparent.  And when my overreactions stand in strong contrast to that, I realize how amazing and beautiful our God really is.  And he is taking care of me in more ways that I could ever possibly imagine.  And if the love of my life really does let me go?   Well, that's when I get to remember that Jesus is the love of my life and He will never let me go.  I'm going to be just fine.

The wind and the clouds and the blue in the sky
The sun and the moon and the stars so high
The sand on the shore and the waves in the sea
The air in my lungs and the way You made me


The blood in my veins and my heart you invade
The plants how they grow and the tree and their shade
The way that I feel and the love in my soul
I thank you my God for letting me know


I am, I'm captivated by You
In all that You do
I am, I'm captivated
'Cause I am, I'm captivated by You
In all that you do
I am, I'm captivated...

realization

I am so damn selfish.

Pardon my language, but seriously.  Everything in my life overshadows anyone and everything around me.  The smallest stress or unhappiness becomes a reason to complain, a reason to cry, a reason to take the spotlight and play the famous "Woe is me" character.  How can I not see that the other people in my life are going through things too?

If I'm not careful, I'm going to lose it all.

oh dear.

i'm terrified i am going to hate it?  but praying that once i get used to it, i'll feel better.  i need to give it some time, and just learn to be grateful.  because i have a job, and i'm living where i want to live.

i can do this.