Gray

First of all, the snow is gorgeous.  Wake Forest is already the most beautiful campus in the world, and the snow just makes it even more special.  I mean, Wait Chapel silhouetted against a dark sky with the snow swirling down around it?  Makes me realize how darn blessed I am.

But, cold winter nights make room for that gray area. 

You know, that gray area between best friends and something else.

Michael Buble Needs to Meet Me...

I'm not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down.

I tried so very hard not to lose it,
I came up with a million excuses,
I thought I thought of every possibility...

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

I might have to wait,
I’ll never give up,
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck.
Wherever you are,
Whenever it's right,
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing,
And baby your love is gonna change me,
And now I can see every possibility...

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet.

They say all’s fair in love and war,
But I won’t need to fight it,
we'll get it right and we'll be united.

And I know that we can be so amazing,
And being in your life is gonna change me,
And now I can see every single possibility...

And someday I know it'll all turn out,
And I'll work to work it out,
Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get....

Oh, you know it'll all turn out,
and you'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get.
I just haven't met you yet...


I just haven't met you yet.

"Hey...

You have something on your face...

...oh wait, its beautiful."


((cheese))

love.

Falling on my knees in worship,
Giving all I am to seek Your face.
Lord, all I am is is Yours.

My whole life
I place in Your hands,
God of mercy,
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at Your throne

I called. You answered.
And You came to my rescue and I,
I wanna be where You are.

In my life be lifted high,
In our world be lifted high,
In our love be lifted high.

Story

Never my favorite.  This morning began with an early appointment to check out my poor infected eye, and then was followed by my two least favorite classes. 

After today's French class, I've decided to take it pass/fail.  The teacher is ridiculous and the amount of homework we have is insane.  For today's class, we had 4 articles, an hour long documentary, and questions to prepare.  Once the rest of my classes get into full swing, there is no way I am going to have time to dedicate to this class.  And this semester has to be a straight A semester for me, and since this French class is not required for my major, and all the other classes I am taking this semester are, why not cut myself a break and get the hours/credit without it bringing down my GPA?  I mean with Emmaus, Depth Group, HOPE, work, ADPi, and my chaplain responsibilites for ADPi, I just think I would go kind of insane.

Tonight I'm being installed as Eta Upsilon Chapter's newest Chaplain.  I am so excited.  I honestly cannot wait to get started.  I'm in the process of planning a Bible study for those sisters who want to study the Christian word, and a secular small group for the spiritual needs of the rest of the chapter.  There honestly is such a need in our chapter for someone to address spirituality.  There are so many sisters who, as dear sweet, southern Katy (former chaplain) said, "have Jesus on their hearts and are just scared to recognize it." 

That was me all last year.  My story was, and is, in every way, the story of Jesus tugging on a wandering heart.  And the possibility that my story could help someone else...well, you just aren't blessed with an opportunity like that every day.  And I've got a year of it ahead of me.

This Friday

Bright pink unitard, sparkly belt, sweat bands, teased hair, and some sweet leg warmers...

first date function of the year, here I come!

((theme is "A"...we have to dress up as things that begin with "a."  Taylor and I?  AEROBICS INSTRUCTORS))

France, tu me manque...

Aujourd'hui, on avait un rendez-vous pour tous les etudiants qui veulent etudier a Dijon.  Quelqu'un a fait un powerpoint avec beaucoup de photos de Dijon et tous les excursions en France.

Chaque photo de Dijon.  Chaque photo de Paris.  Chaque photo de Reims, Rouen, Chartres, Normandie, Arles, le Val de la Loire... Chaque photo de quelquechose francais...ils me font tres nostalgique.

France me manque beaucoup...plus que j'avais su.

and again

Today was a good day.

I'm happy.

I'm where I'm supposed to be.

"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." Romans 14:17




((current obsession: OneRepublic- All The Right Moves))

((Oh, and Michael Buble- Haven't Met You Yet))

"You make all things work together for my good..."

I am so excited for this new path.  My mistakes that got me here?  I'm thankful for them.  Because I'll never go there again, and I learned from them.  

And God is so faithful.  How I missed that throughout the last year, I honestly don't know.

Even though there might be pain sometimes, moments of guilt, moments of sadness...I honestly have to say that I am happier than I've been in a long time. 

And why am I happy?  Not because of friends or family or things ((even though those help)).

I am happy because God is the focus of my life...my one love, my one center, my one support.  And everything else is a blessing.

Decided

I'm going to Haiti.

If I have to spend every penny in my bank account, I'll do it.

I've been feeling a tugging in my heart for a little while now, to look into missions programs in French-speaking areas of the world.  Well, Haiti needs our help.  And will for a long time.

If logistics don't work out in time for me to go this summer, I'm applying for a 10 week program for next summer.

This may seem impulsive, but deciding this is the first sure thing I've felt in a long time.

Humbled

I cannot describe how amazing it is to find that passage in the Bible that was just written completely and totally for you.

Mine?  Psalm 119.  "The Glories of God's Law."

First of all, its 176 verses long, which is awesome for me because I usually like to read about 10 verses a night.

Second of all, I stumbled upon it by accident (which is usually how I find most of my readings each night), but am now recognizing that it was no accident.  I'm now going to chalk it up to a bit of divine intervention.

Last night, I was reading verses 65-72.  I'd already found several verses that really hit my heart, but this passage just leapt off the page into my heart.

verse 67 "Before I was humbled, I went astray, but now I keep your word."

verse 70 ((about the arrogant, perhaps the funniest verse ever)) "Their hearts are fat and gross."  ((HAHA)).

verse 71 "It is good for me that I was humbled, so that I might learn your statutes."

I mean seriously.  Couldn't have asked for a more appropriate passage for my life right now.

If the first 72 verses have been this awesome, cannot wait to read the next 100.

[insert title here]

its been a weird couple of days.  i'm discovering that my fears about coming back to Wake...the immaturity, the bubble, the triviality that rules the lives of so many here...its all manifesting itself just how i hoped it wouldn't.

but i don't wish i was back home, or that it was still Christmas break.  Lord knows i needed to get away from all of that, although that certainly hasn't been easy either.

so, i find myself in the in-between.  i'm not happy, nor am i unhappy.  i'm not satisfied, nor am i unsatisfied.  i'm not ready for the semester to progress, nor am i unready.

maybe this is what they call apathy? its a feeling that i do not like.  i've always been the big "feeler," the emotional, sentimental one who oftentimes doesn't know whats good for her and doesn't know when to hide emotions.  so to not feel anything at all?  its new territory.

the only feeling i am trying to keep alive right now?

"This is my comfort in my distress, that Your promise gives me life." Psalm 119:50

Psalm 119

"How can young people keep their way pure?  By guarding it according to your word.  With my whole heart, I seek you; do not let me stray from your commandments.  I treasure your word in my heart, so that I may not sin against you....My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word, put false ways far from me; and graciously teach me your law.  I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your ordinances before me.  I cling to your decrees, O Lord; let me not be put to shame.  I run the way of your commandments, for you enlarge my understanding." --verses 9-11, 25-32

backbone

favorite movie of the moment: Revolutionary Road.

"I wanted IN. I just wanted us to live again. For years I thought we've shared this secret that we would be wonderful in the world. I don't know exactly how, but just the possibility kept me hoping. How pathetic is that? So stupid. To put all your hopes in a promise that was never made..."

couldn't get to sleep, even though I'm exhausted, so I decided to turn on some HBO.  I've wanted to see this movie since I saw the previews (who doesn't love Kate and Leo back together again?).

It was completely different than I expected.  Much sadder, darker...but those are the ones that touch me the most.

and I couldn't have found a better quote for my mood.

"Tell me the truth... remember that? We used to live by it. And you know what's so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is however long they've lived without it. No one forgets the truth...they just get better at lying."

oh babyyy

You're reading the blog of WFU ADPi's Study Abroad Star Sister.

yea, that's right.  I knew all the words to the awesome songs and danced like an idiot in front of everyone to try to spread my uncontainable enthusiasm.

I'd like to thank Chris Brown, Miley Cyrus, Fergie, Lady GaGa, and the running man for this award.  Couldn't have done it without their inspiration.

longggg day tomorrow.

GO ADPI!!!

wahhhhh

12 hours of practice tomorrow?

Singing, clapping, girl-flirting...

say good-bye to me now, you might never see me again.

((oh, also SUPER ticked that I ordered blue chucks on December 22 for my outfit for the first day, paid for 5 day shipping, waited, waited, and waited for them to come in...finally called tonight and THE SHOES ARE STILL IN QUALITY ASSURANCE.  whatttt the heck is that???  so I had to freaking cancel the order and my sister has to go buy some for me tomorrow and then drive them to me at Wake.  LadyFootLocker will neverrr receive my business again.)

back to school...

trying to pack, load up my car, and rush off for a rush meeting at 4.

where has the time gone?

Making Mistakes

Found a website where you type in topics and a search engine gives you related Bible verses.

Over the past two days, I've typed in everything from "anger" and "shame" to "love" and "friendship."

My topic tonight?

"making mistakes."

Isaiah 41:10:
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

I am in that right hand.

I honestly cannot make it with out being there.  Even though I don't know who I am, at least I know where I am.

that right hand.

like a mack truck...

God is hitting me with my mistakes over and over and over.

and I honestly pray He continues until I finally get something right.

Resolution

I am so tired of the way I have been living my life.  In the past year of my life, I have become a selfish, and rather stupid, person.  But I am just worn out.  I'm not happy with who I am.  I'm not happy with the decisions I make.  I'm not happy with the way I choose to treat people.

I thought that I had changed in France.  I know I learned so much, but I guess I kind of thought I'd be changed without actually doing much myself.

Last night proved me wrong.  I could not have ended 2009 in a worse way.

Although, considering everything I've experienced in the past year, maybe it was a fitting ending.  My final night of being a person I no longer want to be.  The final kick in the pants that I needed to wake up and grow up.

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself.  Mistakes happen.

But I'm done living in 2009.

2010 will be different.

I pray with all my heart that I've learned from my past year and will never, ever live that way again.