healing.

it comes in waves, and from the strangest of places.  i was searching my gmail for Amtrak confirmation for my ticket for Friday morning.

5 entries came up.  One of them?  one of our forever long gchats, just like we always used to do.  and something in me said, "go ahead, just read it."  so i did.  And as i read, i began to realize something.

what we had?  it was so real.  i think i've spent the past 3 months searching for the holes, feeling like a fool, and wondering how in the world i could have been so blind.  but i wasn't blind, and reading through that random chat about the cheapest way to get from NC to PA proved to me that i was so very right to make the choice that i did.  moving here has been hard, but it was the right choice, even if it was all for him.  and it was not a year wasted, as i've so often wondered over the past few months.  oh no, not wasted at all.

the love was real, even though it didn't last.  its true that it has forever altered the course of my life in a way that i never expected, but tonight my heart is rejoicing that i am being blessed with yet another insight into the work that the Lord is breathing into my life.

my heart is peaceful and much closer to whole than it was even yesterday.